Want to know something that can help you when meanies are getting you down?
Here's a suggestion. When I'm at work and someone calls, usually they are really nice. But sometimes they aren't. I just hung up with a very important person who was inconsiderate and made me feel bad. When I passed along the message to my boss by email, I wrote...
"Dr. ____ just called and would like you to give him a call back when you get a chance. His number is 555.5555 and I don't like him."
Then, right before I send it, I delete the last part, and I'm good to go. The idea of actually sending one of the uncensored emails makes me laugh, and usually I feel a little bit better.
Another email, uncut.
"The reason there is no orange juice left over from Bagel Tuesday is because I forgot to put the OJ away so a few of the residents drank all 48 remaining bottles of it last night. I think we should be glad because this means that they weren't drinking coffee, and let's be honest--they could all use a breather on the coffee."
And finally, an email to everyone in the office.
"I don't know who ordered the caffeine free pepsi. Please stop bugging me about it because it wasn't me. I know it looks suspicious because I don't drink alcohol or coffee, but trust me, if I had ordered a favorite beverage, it would be diet, and coke. And it isn't hilarious when you see me in the breakroom and joke about how I have my own personal stash. I do have a personal stash and it is under my desk. And it isn't even caffeine free so I guess the joke is on you.
Thanks!
Melissa"
I love this. In response to an email I received today I would have written: Dear ____, You sent me your submission late last night, it was 15 pages long and I needed to edit it down to two pages. And now you send me two more long inserts? Who do you think you are? And, how dare you always make me feel bad about trying to do my job no matter how stupid you think this is. I don't like you. You're a jerk And your breath smells bad. Always. I think you're going to die of emphysema. Sincerely, Lauren
ReplyDeletelove it love it love it
ReplyDeleteI think the last one should be sent. It made me laugh and laugh. I am going to try this therapy.
ReplyDeleteHaha! I actually think this would really work for me.
ReplyDeleteVery witty and, no doubt, therapeutic. I just finished the audio of Anansi Boys. Thanks for recommending it--got me through lots of painting with a smile. I am starting Home now.
ReplyDeletethe brinkerhoff's and their diet coke. I agree. That last email should have been sent. You make me smile Missy. I miss you guys.
ReplyDelete